WEIRDO. ADVENTURER. HUMAN. – Tikitakamalikilaka
Life Hits Harder
My name is George Kourtesiotis and I, like you, am just another regular person.
A fun fact about me is that I played sport for most of my life. At age 14, I followed my heart into playing football, which lead me down the varsity path through high school and university, as well as a short professional stint with the Canadian Football League.
The bruises and battery to my head and body left me with nerve issues, and spinal injury, but it was the collision induced trauma that altered my vision which forced me to really rethink about my participation in the sport– All at the ripe age of 22.
I was a hulking 290lbs lineman who was capable of literally man-handling people on the field– A dominant presence with a strong will and attitude. But soon after, my life spiraled down a rabbit hole of anxiety, depression, and panic, alongside a dwindling identity.
When I finally crawled away from the game, I looked like the same hulking figure that I had made myself to be, but on the inside, I was disembodied, hollow, and broken.
I was vulnerable, insecure, and completely burned out.
So, Who am I?
I found myself asking the same question.
The pre-destined path of the aspiring collegiate athlete in pursuit of a successful professional career became another broken dream as I quickly hit the wall, and fell hard.
My eggs were in one basket, and they broke. I didn’t know who I was, or what was going to become of me in my future down the road, so I began to re-evaluate my place and path up to that point:
- Education & Skills
- My place as another student graduate in the world of academia with a degree that was utterly useless– General BA, Psychology & Sociology
- Finances & Work
- Hefty student loans and other financial debts
- The search for freedom by trying to find that perfect 9 to 5 job
- Relationship Matters
- Romantic- Falling out of love and breaking up
- Social- Falling out of alignment with friends.
- Family– Pressure to make ends meet and comparisons of success with family friends
- Health & Wellness
- Physical – Most-overweight I’ve ever been. Limited mobility, head injury, neck and nerve issues, visual acuity and vertigo
- Mental Health – Anxiety, depression, panic disorder, derealization, identity loss, low confidence, and self-esteem
These are just a few of the catalysts that contributed to my perceived demise.
My curse was my blessing, because it had put me back against the wall to rethink my path and purpose in this world by identifying myself with what is truly meaningful in life.
I started asking similar questions again,
- What is the point of all this?
- What is the meaning of life?
- What is the purpose of my life?
- What am I meant for?
- What do I really want and need to be happy?
Everything became an existential crisis, and I came to a point where I couldn’t justify anything as worthwhile anymore. I was lost, overwhelmed, overly cynical, and uninspired.
JOURNALING-MY SAVING GRACE
My experience isn’t unique. My perspective is.
We all have a story that matters, but what has literally saved my life in this world is who I have made myself out to be as a result of habitually expressing my thoughts, emotions, and intentions out on paper.
JOURNALING saved me because I could express my own humanity behind closed doors. I could plot, plan, and rant about who I was, and what I was feeling in figuring out what greater good was meant for me in this world.
Littermature began as a means of personal expression as I have been journaling my thoughts, poems, dreams, and intentions for my own betterment in life for the last decade.
As my notebooks filled in over the years, I began expanding my mind into more detailed forms of writing and creative exploits to further bridge an understanding of my own human experience.
What’s more important is witnessing the astonishing power behind capturing thoughts.
The more I journaled, the more my reality responded
My life lined itself up with the pages of my own notes.
Writing has helped me progress my growth through both intention, and expression. And though my words can be dark, or cynical at times, my words maintain a persisting hope that carries through the darkest days.
This hope in faith, is what keeps me striving towards my own betterment, and the more I reflect back on myself I realize that:
I am still here.
I brought myself to this point!
So what else —outside of myself-– is stopping me from getting to the next point in life, wherever that may be.
You and I are The Same
Again, we all have a story that matters.
My story might not matter to you, but it matters to me.
Likewise, your story matters to you but it might not matter to someone else.
And that is our common ground, because I can understand the importance of our own individual story between ourselves.
So what’s your story?
- Who are you?
- What is important to you?
- What do you want out of life?
- What type of work is calling you?
- Where does your life’s greatness lie?