Sticks And Stones May Break My Bones: Festering Words.


“Sticks and stones may break my bones, No chance your words will phase me!”

G. Kourtesiotis

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Or something like that. It is a common expression to capture spiritual and emotional resiliency.

Truthfully, people say some messed up things. Some things are said out of anger, some things are said by mistake, and some things are said with good intentions that just come out the wrong way. Some things are said in no particular way at all, but are taken out of context. And some things, have no explanation at all.

I am a very physical person.

I enjoy athletics, and I love training like an athlete.

I also love trail running, I find it more absorbing than regular pavement running– and though I do find myself hitting the concrete from time to time– the other day was definitely a trail day.

Continue reading “Sticks And Stones May Break My Bones: Festering Words.”

A Brief Moment In Delirium– High on Coffee and Sweet, Sweet Jazz!




The following is a brief example on being human– at least in the most random sense of a moment.

We all experience a whole assortment of thoughts, or collections as we go about our days. Afterall, we are what we think.

To set the scene:

I was about two hours into some computer work at Starbucks. With a good caffeine boost– my own delirium got the best of me.

Behold, Another human! :

Frantic, unorganized, and delirious in thought.

Continue reading “A Brief Moment In Delirium– High on Coffee and Sweet, Sweet Jazz!”

An Aged Poem- My Friend, So Long.


Hello old friend.

It has been so long, I don’t know where to begin.

I remember when we met, young and naïve, together we trodden around hoping to never grow old.

Our problems were minimal, only the day at hand, and what was to become of it was our only real concern.

Friend’s forged brothers.

Years later, after so many smiles and moments of joy, but dependent on our parents plans, we had to pave way for alternate routes.

By now, our problems had become more, but not by much.

We vowed against the distance, that we would maintain the brotherly connection; We swore that we would still be best friends.

As we drifted further into adulthood, time prevailed.

There have been many times where I wanted to reach out, or to make arrangements to catch up on old times. But, our problems had now blossomed further.

Our present day has developed new relationships, different attitudes, different perspectives. This bound us to our own present place, and we could not step away from it to rebuild a past.

Technological advancement has made it easier to maintain friendships, but so much time has passed. The closeness and familiarity of the past has slowly transformed itself into the obscurity of the fast paced future.

Living day by day, our paths were now too different. Time has made us, moulded us into different people– two different men.

Despite all the difference, I still feel the love of two brothers at heart.

But, all is meaningless now. And as I wasn’t paying attention to the time that has passed, I couldn’t realize how precious life can be.

Even more so, and in the difference of the moment, where I stand with friends you made since parting ways.

Standing– remembering the days of old.

Standing– before the time comes to carry the casket where you lie.

Standing– as all these thoughts race through my mind.

If I could only fathom that your time on earth would have been so short, would we have drifted as we did?

Old friend, always in my mind next to questions as meticulous as these.

I wonder how things could have been different.

Despite my wandering mind, forever, and always you will be considered along with the best.

With all I could muster, old friend:

“Farewell, take care, so long.”

~G.K. August 17, 2011.

At 23, an old friend took his own life. There was a lot ambiguity surrounding his passing.

And though losing touch with this friend over the years, it was a death that struck a very funny chord with me.

23 years young myself, my own momentum shifted. I suddenly didn’t feel so “untouchable” anymore.

“Could I be life’s next?” I thought,

“Instantly dropping out, with no ‘apparent’ reasoning at all?”

What was I to do, but write.

This written expression dates back to August 17, 2011– 3 months after the fact.

It was written in an attempt to make sense of what had happened.

Perhaps, a subconscious attempt to “debrief” this seemingly reasonless, yet very mysterious departure.

With Remembrance,


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F*ck Mindfulness: Mindfulness Is Nonsense When We Force It.


Mindfulness Is Nonsense Once It Becomes Self-Defeating.

For the sake of this post, and how I am feeling in this particular moment, I will say it and spell it out again: mindfulness is nonsense.

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for appreciating the mindfulness of a moment as I practice some form of mindfulness, awareness, and meditation daily. Likewise, I purposely try to incorporate it into every facet of my life to capture more of the moment.

Well What’s your f*king problem then?

My issue is that when we set the intention to be mindful in our experiences, we may become expectant to achieve a specific state for ourselves. Inevitably, things get lost in translations with our own skewed expectations.

Mindfulness is nonsense when our focus is aimed at being mindful, as opposed to the experience itself.

In other words, labelling our actions as mindful can limit our experience in observing things the way that we intend to experience them.

I have talked about labels before, but to spell it out mindfully,

“Once you label me, you negate me”

Screenshot (22)_LI.jpg

As soon as we call it something, it is limited to nothing more than that.

This is true to experience as well.

As soon as we intend to be mindful in our experiences, we limit our experience to whatever preconceptions we have of a mindful experience.

Some of MY OWN LIMITING preconceived attachments to mindfulness:

  • Road to Happiness
  • Zen
  • Slow controlled breathing
  • Easy, neutral state

There is more to experiencing the moment than this, but can you see how the ego’s intentions can potentially trap us with such an inhibited experience?

A crude labelling example:

Let’s imagine ourselves going out to an event, any event, and we suddenly find ourselves experiencing it negatively. We find the event so bad that we put a label on it, let’s call this a shit time.

Once we put our mind to those words, we limit ourselves to nothing more than what a shit time stands for in our mind.

We can try to force our way out of it, to be happy about it, but it’s still going to be a shit time.

In walking away from the event we will say:

“Today was a shit time out”

And the next day at the water cooler we will say:

“Yesterday was such a shitty time.”

And later on down your life line, you will say:

“I went to that thing once, It was…” Well, you get the point!

Mindfulness Isn’t Always Nonsense, It’s Beautiful Too!

Conceptually speaking, mindfulness can completely immerse us in our moments.

But things can become rather skewed when our mindful practice conflicts with our urges to be more mindful, which only takes away from the experience itself.

We can become too self-aware, where we may try to control our perception of things in the moment, when the whole basis of mindfulness is surrendering to that moment to experience it.

The ego steps in with its own pre-conceptual contributions to the experience in how it wants things to turn out for itself. This is self defeating, as the original intentions of mindfulness, is to dissolve the ego, and surrender to the moment.

Mindfulness is nonsense when our intentions aren’t clear enough. Therefore, it is important to understand why we choose to practice mindfulness in the first place.

For example:

Someone who experiences a lot of negative emotions may finds themselves frequently depressed. Such a person may then turn to mindfulness training in hopes of becoming happier. Truly, this is great, to an extent.

Take that crude example again; You remember, right!?

That “shitty time”:

We receive negative feedback from the experience during the event. For Example:

  • We’re at a restaurant, and the waitress accidentally dropped a meal on our lap; “Grr, it burns and my clothes are stained!”
  • We’re at a festival, and there is too many people here; “Grr, large crowds make us uneasy.”
  • We’re at a bar, and the music playing isn’t up our alley; “Grr, this song sucks.”
  • We’re having breakfast in a cafeteria, and someone just pissed in our corn flakes; “Grr…”


The issue can come in play when we experience this negatively and try to change our experience to suit our goal…


[Insert Sh*tty Experience Here]:

“This is a sh*t time”

Turns into:

“This is a sh*t time– But…

I’m going to paint this smile on my face,

Because I just want to have a great time, and be happy!”

Screenshot (21).png
Fake It Till You Make It?

In this instance, we steadily assume a controlling aspect over our experience in order to achieve a result for happiness.

As we try to bring an awareness or focus onto a more “positive” light, we neglect the negative. And in this example, embracing the negativity is generally the heart of the moment.

True mindfulness is letting yourself flow from moment to moment, and if it calls for it, through contrasting emotion. Awareness is being able to identify this process happening within ourselves in our immediate perception of experience. Being mindful then, is taking it in and accepting it how it comes. And if you find yourself rejecting it, doesn’t mean it to be mindless.

Shitty experiences can still be mindful.

Mindfulness Is Nonsense: If It’s Shit, Let It Be Shit!

Huffing and Puffing Towards a Solution-The Power Of Negative Thinking

Ultimately, our INTENDED practice can hang us up. Actually, It is better practice to simply bring awareness to recognizing a moment for what it is how it finds us.

Keep rolling with that shitty time!

Even if it means living in it all day and night. Live in the shit until it starts to change on its own. And if it doesn’t, keep trying new things until it does.

Mindfulness is nonsense otherwise, when we find ourselves purposely tainting, or forcing our experience to illicit a particular result; a feeling, emotion, or state.

Of course, mindfulness is appreciated most when we experience it alongside some state of bliss, however, we can’t shy away from, or avoid our negative emotions in hopes of instantly transforming them into positive ones.

The human experience means balance, whether it’s basking in the beautiful sun for hours or rolling around in the shit for a few days.

With experience,

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Tranquility: What Thunder And Lightning Feel Like.


**Damp reflections on what thunder and lightning feel like.**

Thunder & Lightning

I sit here staring through the middle of the night. That, and not much more.

The rain trickles, and pours… Then trickles… Then pours.

As it struggles to find an enduring rhythm, the subtle but unmistakable flashes of lightning that dance in the accompaniment of thunder.

What feelings wash into my being?

As my surrounding environment washes within itself, I continue to sit and stare; feeling.

It’s funny to witness playing within the boundaries of such moments.

These moments, where nothing seems certain; a complete obscurity,

A desolate experience in itself, though contrastingly relaxing.

Perhaps my yearning for solitude is being embraced in this moment,

Where nothing more but rain, dropping and spreading itself over the cold hard pavement, has been spread into existence to navigate this vast urban infrastructure.

Where is this damp moment taking me?

The outside is in, with my own inside’s out.

Cleanse this emotional obscurity, Quickly.

As I remain sedated in this state of solitary tranquility.

With Introspection,


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Transient Memories That Don’t Belong To Me.


Well, I happened to stumble onto this ‘Transient’ challenge laid out by Andrea Badgley.

Immediately, I began to form visuals and associate images of the past, a past that is now very late.

Perhaps a pirate’s past, sailing the open seas in search of new opportunities to plunder.

Perhaps a life spent upon the helm; does the helmsman steer the ship, or does the ship steer the helmsman?

It is very interesting to ponder upon how such a destiny unfolds, as all of it does within a momentary second.

And here now, as I strike key after key without any real effort I can feel the yearning and power of such a moment, an identity of experience, through stored memories of a past that is hardly known.

And just as quickly as it surfaced, it’s gone.

A transient memory, or fantasy?


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Huffing & Puffing: The Power In Negative Thinking.

Screenshot (18)

“I don’t WANT to huff and puff. I NEED to huff and puff!”

As people, we are hilarious because we love to live in delusion. Listen, I am all for positive thinking, but not at the expense of ignoring our negative thinking and emotion.

We hear it often:

Build on yourself; Be more optimistic; Work on your greetings and smiles; Develop your openness; Be better, etc…


It is in fact great advice, and advice I fully try to commit to in myself and others. However, I feel that we are easily clouded by such advice.

Particularly, we can find ourselves overly fixated on optimism and positivity in a way that keeps us seeking feeling good all of the time.

This creates an emotional disconnect in relation to any adverse feeling. Especially when we don’t know what to thoughtfully do with, or how to process our negative thinking and emotions in the first place.


“It is a muscle; Destroy your self-doubt; Destroy your fears; Destroy these emotions for the sake of liberating yourself from them.”

I get it. But, we must still experience, and fully feel the emotions that plague us.

Acknowledge it, feel the fear, sadness, hurt, pain, and whatever the hell else.

We want to feel good, for the reason being that it feels good; Okay Copernicus!

But ironically enough, succeeding these emotions comes from just that, RECOGNITION.

The ability to recognize destructive patterns, while also allowing their presence, and fully feeling to experience them.

Recognizing Negative Thinking.

Yes, yes it’s true:

I don’t want to huff and puff. But, I need to huff and puff!

The point being again, that if we don’t allow our body to experience and express itself negatively, all of the energy from our negative thinking wont go anywhere at all.

It will go nowhere. Nowhere meaning that it will go to places that we don’t want it to go.

Nowhere meaning, that it will stay trapped and emotionally bound within the structures and tissues of the body, which can manifest itself in different, and unpleasant ways from there on out.

Here, take a look at this video below:

Though most probably a re-enactment, and a tad corny for my personal liking, the message to take away is this:

The stuttering and stammering is a result of blocking out, or suppressing his initial negative emotions. And only until they are addressed, and diffused years later, can he finally overcome the barriers of his own torment.

Surely, this is likely an extreme example, but the trick is to positively empower ourselves through our negative thinking and emotions.

What the F**k does that Even mean?!

It means feeling your shit out!

All of it too. All of the nitty-gritty, shitty feeling bullshit! You know, all that painful shit. Feel the f**k out of it! Feel it in flow with your energy, and then diffuse it in a positive and constructive manner.

But, to be more polite in three words, or less:

Acknowledge, Accept, Replace.

Negative Thinking Behind closed doors

Personally speaking, I can get so bound up and angry for any whichever reason. And yes, sometimes these emotions become overwhelming enough where I emotionally feel the need to physically lash out, or slap the first person to look at me funny!

What the f**k are you looking at asshole?”

Look, life is all over the place sometimes, and emotional moments like that are of often unclear, and their reasons are unbeknownst.

There is no sense to pretend that we feel a certain way when we don’t feel that way at all.

So if our experience is negative, we must allow ourselves to express it.

Thankfully, I can recognize that these tensions exist within myself and are often secondary to what I need to address. These emotions are reacting to something other, in which case we must identify the source, or at best, we must try to.

In saying that, I also need to diffuse them through myself. And though I may feel the urge to lash out and slap someone, the best solution is to avoid taking any action in slapping that random stranger who happened to stare into my insecurities.

That will only snowball into bigger problems, and potentially, a lifetime of regret.

So what is the trick here?

Doing nothing won’t help you much either. We still need to address that emotional need to express ourselves physically as a result of the moment.

We diffuse the emotion by constructively diffusing it.

In this case, swing a damn bat, or a prop of some sort! PHYSICALLY live out your frustrations by swinging it wildly through the air!

I know, it sounds crazy and weird, right?

“That’s your solution? Swing a damn bat?!”

Yea, definitely!

We are all crazy weird, and we all need to express that side of ourselves openly, but constructively.

A tamer example IN JUDGING OTHERS.

Most of us have been taught, or heard with repetition:


What goes around, comes around!”

“Be grateful to yourself and others!”

Again, it is great advice, and I purposely try to practice selflessness often. However, there are days where someone may happen to stumble into my life where everything about this person completely repulses me.


Growing up with the “You be nice!” ideology, I actively try to find good qualities in this person, or humble down their “unlikable” qualities.

But in trying to treat them in kind, there is so much more tension than just accepting the initial emotional response, and rolling with the fact that I kind of hate everything about them.

Look man, I hate your f**king face, and your stupid mannerisms!
Get the f**k away from me, you stupid douche asshole!

When I do happen to recognize these emotions, I still try to take the same “baseball bat” approach.

"Littermature Post: "Without Balls..."
"Littermature Post: "Duking The Demon..."
Where I noticed the value of said "Baseball Bat approach"!
"F*ck Mindfullness: Fake it till you make it!..."
How mindfulness sometimes defeat itself.

Constructive diffusion is key To Negative Thinking!

So I try to practice saying what I really feel like saying, I just do so in my own head.

“I thought this was a tame example? That just sounds crazier, twisted, and more dysfunctional.”

Yeah, it’s crazy and weird, and I am dysfunctional as f**k! But again, we all have our own unique dysfunctions.

So go ahead and try it for yourself. It might actually make you happier by bringing a smile or chuckle to your face, in which case you are now experiencing a moment of happiness.

You see how that works? The offending qualities may now be somehow more tolerable.

It is a form of constructive diffusion, and can take you from a firm feeling of:

“You sh**y bastard! You f**k!”

To a mere:

“Bro, you suck.”

Feel Better?

I am no master at diffusing my emotions, and this isn’t a cure-all to your emotional pitfalls. But, it is a practice.

Go on, get creative in your own practice to thwart the creative bullshit your mind is busy conjuring up trying to thwart your happiness.

Practice cleaning out the gunk and sh*t from your soul!

Practice it often, let yourself feel your own sh*t, and feel it fully.

Believe it or not, acknowledging and expressing your own negative thinking is therapeutic in this way. It is a way to purge our own bullsh*t.

The power behind this negativity, is learning how to sort through your emotions when you are feeling down, this way you can relish on the high of feeling high when the cycle is making its way around again.

In practicing the optimistic diffusion, through the pessimism and gloom, and never suppressing it,


Self Help Journaling

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