© Kalandrakas | www.jessleecuizon.com
Tired And Tried
Anytime I try to think of my wishes, I am left empty; I am tired, and tried.
I can’t remember the last REAL wish I made, I feel that I am incapable of wishing.
Even my birthday wishes are WORTHLESS, meaning, they aren’t even GENUINE.
Please, let me illustrate:
My ‘go-to’ wish the past few birthdays has been:
“I wish for health, and happiness.”
But in that, there is NO EMOTION.
I don’t wish for illness, or despair. I simply DON’T WISH, anything, at all!
Mentally, I am just going through these traditional motions, EMOTIONLESS, I don’t even care.
Am I apathetic, or merely pathetic?
Tired, and tried in pathetic apathy,
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Friend, it sounds like depression. Have another thought. Maybe the old traditions don’t have meaning but there are things that do.
I still feel happiness, even within these repetivive, and trivial traditions. Though this lack of emotion– I can still feel excitement, desire, appreciation. Appreciative of the few but close people gathered in the moment with me, and VERY EXCITED in desiring to eat that big piece of cake in front of me!– haha 🙂 However, feeling emotionless is attributable to ‘wishing’, where in struggling to form meaningful thought over anything tangible/intangible that I really YEARN for. I feel I don’t YEARN for much at all. I can’t say exactly, but maybe deep down, it could be that I feel empowered enough to obtain anything that I would want, IF I wanted it (a capacity we all have!) But… there is nothing that I really want–Tangible, or intangible– that would sit outside of my reach to where I would actively try to CALL for it within my life. I am satisfied with simply experiencing my life as it comes to me. But….. In my own arrogance, if I did have a genuine wish, I would really call it “A Plan!” 🙂 Thanks for firing up my brain this morning! Best, G.K.
G.K. Glad my comment got you going. Happy Birthday and enjoy your life. It is precious!
Agreed! It’s not my birthday, but I’ll take it! 🙏😄